When Paranoia Makes Sense

I have been treated for mental illness since 2002 and is educated as a nurse. I got to know the health care system and got very worried for all the patients in Norway.

( This has gotten a worry throughout all the world. )

I understood that there were lack of money in the health care services to give the best treatment and i was worried for all the patients not having enough nursing to give them a good life and healing.

I worked with psychiatric treatment also, and all the loneliness i met was breaking my heart.

I started to read a lot about psychiatric and this was before i got ill.

I understood that the nursing provided was not with all given by the law that shall secure people and give them the best optimal treatment. And i understood that many nurses and doctors did not work well and simply did not understand the basics in needs and in treating people to meaning during an illness. 

Together with this i had some problems with my love life. I got very fooled by a man and a MC Club and my reality about who this persons were got broken. What i first thought was not right.

A man that i had loved called me crazy and spread rumors about me. This is a very small society and we are small characters in the huge life in this world.

The truth was that i was not crazy but worried for the man if he was mentally ill and suicidal and wanted to save him. I was young and not wise.

I got enough and understood i could not work as a nurse in a system that not is given care within the law. There was to little resources and i decided to get hospitalized.

I got diagnosed with depression in 2002.

And after this i have had eight diagnosis. 

It tells me that they dont know what they work with and has not found the cause to the problem.

The problem is people.

I am a very social person that fights for the health care system to provide the best care a human is capable to give.

12 000 people gets sepsis in Norwegian hospitals every year and they need to reduce this number. And i know that many patients could have been saved with the best care a human is capable to give and that it has to be by the law.

This year i found out that many nurses dont know the health care law for health professions.

It got me very worried.

In 2012 i got hospitalized for a reaction i had of the war in Syria and i was broken down. I thought my hospitalization should last for a month and then to a district senter that is an open institution.

Instead i got three years of isolation from the outer world.

And i did not get information in how the world was on the outside

and my family did not tell me what was going on.

I understood something was going on and started to try to make sense and find out what was wrong. Nobody leaded me to the truth and the treatment was against human rights.

As it was for me it looked and felt like torture.

I got a lot of medications and they even gave me pills so i slept for 48 hours without water and food.

This treatment is dangerous and against the law.

They did not tell me what pills it was and by this day i still dont know.

I started to create my own stories on what was going on and it resulted in the diagnose paranoid schizophrenia. The diagnose was created by isolation and the communication i had with health care workers that was not good.

It is a miracle i still live.

When i got out of isolation i found out that much had been going on and that people had done things towards me. My paranoia was against the system and i said :

" If you treat me this way i will die. "

The truth is that i am dying on the treatment i get these days.

I have severe side effects and the doctors dont listen to me, but continue to give me medication that leads me to suicidal thoughts.

I am very kind and has written novels about the treatment and what really happened.

I am not allowed to read my journal because the doctors refuses this by the law and tell me that it is danger for my life in reading my journal.

When the journal is written so it can be danger for a patients life in reading it the law has been broken.

There is laws in how a journal shall be written and what shall be documented on so the health care is the best in the world for a human. The system can give such nursing and medical help if they want to in Norway.

I am very kind and the struggle for others is what keeps me alive.

That one day the law will be placed on the right hands with nurses who really has studied and knows about the medical and the psychiatric field.

I can't write anymore.

But hope that the truth will be heard. They treated a patient with the diagnose " Nurse ".

I have been very angry on not giving communication, hope and meaning to me and other patients and that the truth is that it has costed 50 millions norwegian krone to treat me to wanting to die in-between. It is more money than what i ever would have earned as a full time working nurse for life.

Paranoid schizophrenic am i not.

Only knowing that people hold me down so the truth shall not be heard.

The papers has not wanted to write about me,

and i know people from high places has worked towards me.

I have sendt ideas out to others to make the world a better place and i am heart broken that there is so few nurses that are good and work by the law.

My lawyer is contacting me today for taking my case to Human Right Court in Europe.

As i was sitting writing i got a good laugh.

This chinese crested came into my living room and all the way to me to save me to a good laugh.

Dogs save me out and is not scared of me as the kittens.

I laugh of my little visit of a little friend.

He was on the run and an adventurer.

He got in the house just to say " Hi. "

I am laughing and waiting for medication today.