Broken Down And Still Running

I have had family on visit today and told them how much i hurt after psychiatric treatment.

The mind problems are not healed by people playing games with you.

And i wonder where is the love.

The truth is that i hurt in my soul today.

I have functioned bad because of side effects of medication.

I feel broken down 

and that there is not a future for me to take hold around because the treatment has made me scared of people. I fear people more than pain as Sivert Høyem sings in 

" Sleepwalking Man. "

I pray all the time for hope.

That there will be a change in the psychiatric field 

that build up people stronger than before.

It is possible with trust and a good caring dialog.

How come so many dont like the treatment ?

Because people know very little of the mind.

It works good with love and good nutrition.

And a body that functions.

Honestly so is my experience that the psychiatric treatment is worse than it was in 2002.

I am a big question and think a lot on how to change my life.

I live beautifully and has had visit of a little angel today.

My aunt child.

Buster came out from his hiding place to say hello to her, 

but went back under the bed after a short time.

She was going around in the house singing, and it did me good.

As long as there is children there is hope.

Others kindness and joy can set new impressions in you and i found hope.

But i am depressed.

I am cluttered of PTDS of the treatment and very slow in my thinking.

I hope that someday there will be a place for me to go.

I wonder a lot about taking a walkabout.

Just to let go of the past and met myself.

I have washed the house today and the clean smell made me relax.

The family brought presents to Buster

and Happy is back.

My budgie.

She sits and sing.

I dont know what i should have done without the animals.

They make me find meaning in every day even if it is hard.

I am very kind but have to meet a struggle because of my injured neck.

I have neck problems and can't ride other than secure horses.

We went to the horses today and my aunt child had a good time with the white arabian.

She was very kind to her.

And Ryvar the north land horse wanted to have me all for himself.

He holds all the horses away from me.

Even if i am broken down i am still running and making caring around me for myself.

But i search for a way out.

It is time for me to live peacefully.

I have to create a place in my mind for hope 

and see that dreams did come true even if i have been through a hard time over years.

It change people.

I have changed to more understanding of other peoples suffering.

And i live good.

But bad days can occur.

I just had one today.

I hope the night chase my blues away.

I hold on and find courage to go on knowing that there is angels around us

and that love and kindness do exist.

I hope if you are suffering that you find hope to go on

and live in the hope that life can change to the better.

Dont give up.

I dont.