Rainy Day And Surviving

This is how i look like on a very bad day. The last week has thrown me into thoughts of meaningless that i never have had before. Actually there was little thoughts. I just was very tired of the medication and had no forces left to fight for the will to live.

I got three days of hospitalization, but the doctor meant i was very well. I did not understand so very much, but i realized that i had it better at home.

Every day has a new start.

Today it has poured down water from the sky.

In the morning when i got up i could have taken a shower outside.

But it was cosy to stay inside.

The cats refused to go outside and has stayed inside sleeping nearly all day.

I am kind and fight now for the will for people to live.

I understand that suicidal thoughts is the hardest thing in a persons life.

There is hope for all.

More people die of suicide each year then of terror.

It shocked me to find this out,

and there needs to be put lights on that this is the actual reality in the world.

I want, pray and wish for that people do get a good and happy life with good friends, family and neighbors. It is possible to all of us if we only manage to survive through the hard times.

I have had visit of a good friend today and she noticed that i am better than the last time she was here.

It is good to get adjustment on you're reality so you know you are better.

It feels all right now.

Not fabulous, fun and bright.

But okay enough to say that i have quality time.

I need to get another medication or get of medication and go through some therapy because of PTSD of the treatment i have gotten the last years. It has been hard.

And i dont understand why there is so little to do in psychiatric units here in Norway.

You get a diagnose because of the system and how it works, not on the actual problems you are suffering with.

Life is okay right now.

I go now for a cup of coffee,

and have to write down new goals for my life.

Someone told me to study to be a psycholog.

I dont know if i do that.

But i need to get into more education.

Life on the countryside helps me to heal.

But you are not guaranteed that everything will work out okay if you only reach you're dreams.

Treatment and life is there always, and the reality is that life is hard.

Sometimes that is okay and sometimes not.

But the truth is that you grow stronger of every down trip you climb out of.

Keep on going.